I really wanted to write this post to celebrate the single moms on Mother’s Day. I think that it is extremely important because unfortunately, we can experience judgmental, condescending, and critical attitudes from others because we are single moms. Sometimes people say, “They must have done something to deserve it,” “they made a bad decision,” etc. However, in all of the criticism, these judgmental attitudes fail to address the elephant in the room – we, mothers, chose to stay and parent our children. We didn’t choose to leave. In 1 Timothy 5:8, the Bible says, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” However, despite us staying, keeping our commitment to God, and raising our children, unfortunately, it is too easy from some to take cheap shots at single mothers, because we aren’t married all while forgetting that the man left.
In fact, there was a study done a few years ago that said that single moms were bad for society. There was even an article that suggested that there is a hierarchy of single mothers with single mothers who are widows being favored while women who were never married being judged and condemned. Why would that even happen? Why a hierarchy? Why attack and insult the mom? That’s so demoralizing for the women who work hard to pay the bills, maintain a career, raise their children, with little rest, no days off, no sick days, and still get it done! Even more disappointing is that some of these attitudes exist in the church. I understand it may seem like you can’t turn on the television without hearing about single mom statistics (including some blaming crime and underachievement on people who come from single parent families) or feeling like you are being judged or that you have no one to talk to who can understand your struggles or your journey. However, I want to encourage you to stay strong, stay resilient, and stay comforted in the Word of God, because God Loves Single Mothers too.
I want to encourage you to stay strong, stay resilient, and stay comforted in the Word of God, because God Loves Single Mothers too.
Don’t let the judgments and issues of other people impact how you feel about yourself or even worse, limit the potential of your children. Don’t allow yourself to feel isolated and unsure about your journey. It is a high calling to be a mother, and God has not forsaken you. As a mother, you have an important role to fill. If He didn’t think that you would be a good mom or were not up for the challenge, he would have never blessed you with your children. As a mother, you are essentially an angel on earth for your children, and God takes that role very seriously. Your role is to raise your children up in a way that honors God. Through this godly childrearing, you are creating a legacy that will last through generations. Scripture tells us in Hebrews 11:20, “By faith Isaac invoked future blessings on Jacob and Esau.” By your faith, you can invoke blessings on your children and for generations to come. God didn’t bring you this far to leave you.
By your faith, you can invoke blessings on your children and for generations to come. God didn’t bring you this far to leave you.
There is a passage in the book, “Life Interrupted” by Priscilla Shirer where Priscilla spoke about being upset about a decision that had to be made about her son. As any mother who loves her children, she was stressed out over this situation and wanted the best outcome for her child. In her emotions, she had to remind herself of God’s promise to her:
“’Priscilla,’ He seemed to be saying to me, ‘I’ve not only got your life, but the life of your children, your husband, your family, your future grandchildren, all in the palm of My hand. I am sitting on the throne supervising it all. And have I not always taken care of you even when things didn’t go the way you preferred? Jerry may be making the ultimate decision on this, but as always, I’m the ultimate decision maker. I am here, taking care of this, and I know what I’m doing. Do you really have a reason to be angry after all I’ve done by way of provision, protection, and keeping My promises in your life?’”
I absolutely love this paragraph, because it so clearly spells out how God has kept us in the past, and how He continues to watch over us. The good news is that this promise isn’t just for married moms and their families; it is a promise for single moms and their families as well. He wouldn’t have brought your children into the world to abandon you or to have you fail as a person and as a mom. He loves His children. He is equipping you with everything you need to be a great mother. You may not fully believe it yet, but trust God. Trust the process. He has got you covered because he is a gracious and merciful God. Therefore, don’t let the fact that your child may not have a physical or present earthly father because God is the Father to the fatherless. The scripture says, “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation,” – Psalm 68:5. Therefore it doesn’t matter if your child’s earthly father isn’t around because God is the ultimate Father. You can trust God to keep His promises, to watch over you and your children, and to be your provision every day. Therefore, have hope and faith in the Word of God and His promises. All you need is Jesus.
As you can see, single motherhood isn’t a curse nor is it a scarlet letter. You have an important role to fill, so change your mindset about what it means to be a single mom. I remember when I was pregnant people used to ask me “Is the dad excited?” or “how is the dad?” and when I said “he’s not around” or “I am excited about the twins,” they would look at me with a confused look that almost reeked of pity. In those experiences, I was left uncomfortable, dejected, and feeling like I was substandard. However, I couldn’t stay there. In this place, I had to remember that God is the Giver of life and children are a gift from God. Scripture tells us, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward,” – Psalm 127:3. When I understood that important fact, I realized that all that mattered was that I loved my children, I was excited about the pregnancy, those who loved me were excited about the pregnancy, and most importantly Jesus loves me and my children. He chose me to be a mother, just as He chose you to be a mother. He gave you life because He saw that you were up to the challenge of the role of mother.
Therefore, don’t focus on the statistics and the negative comments about single moms. Society may say one thing about single moms, but that is not your reality. Don’t let anyone or anything make you feel bad about your journey as a single mom. You stayed. You didn’t leave. What other people may think is not your concern. You love your children, you love God, God loves you and He loves your children. That’s what matters. You have the ability to walk according to the destiny that God has already determined for you before you were formed in your mother’s womb.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” – Jeremiah 1:5
“But when he who had set me apart before I was born, and called me by his grace…” – Galatians 1:15
You have the free will to choose how you are going to approach single motherhood – with excitement, joy, and a positive mindset. This is a choice so make the decision to walk in faith, peace, love, trust, and purpose. Remember, in times of trial and difficulty, turn to the Lord and watch Him provide, show up, show out and cover you and your children with His favor. You can do it, and I believe in you.
“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. He children rise up and call her blessed…” – Proverbs 31:25-28
Leave a comment in the Phenomenal Moms Facebook Group to let me know how this helps you!
Aisha Taylor is a single mom of twins, personal financial coach, work from home entrepreneur, and #1 Amazon Best Selling Author of the book “5+5 FNPhenomenal Ways to Save $100 This Week Without Killing Your Lifestyle.” Aisha has been featured in ESSENCE, Jet Magazine, and Black Enterprise. She is also the Founder of FNPhenomenal (Frugal –n- Phenomenal), a movement designed to help single moms create a vision for their lives, craft a financial strategy to support that vision, and show them that phenomenal living is possible. It’s time for you to be Financially Phenomenal!